Buddhism is often used in this way to connote harmless – and indeed, ethical – fun. Q. Thankfully, we’re talking more and more about acts of cultural lifting in both academia and the mainstream. The CCI website notes that the labor program is designed to equip inmates with on the job training, skills development, and a sound work ethic. The problem is that I don’t know if our child will look more Black or more white to people, and his mother’s name is one that is very associated with Black women in America. There was a moment in the ‘90s when they were all over the movies and big wigs used them as jokes to establish a sense of calm. I’m thinking of a family member to whom I’ll say, “OK, I’ve got to hang up!” and she’ll go, “OK! Except instead of Jesus on the cross, it was a statue of the Buddha. My lawyer hasn’t been much help in this regard because in our state, dogs are considered property. If you value our work, please disable your ad blocker. Lost your password? But the chips – which tout mindfulness and good choices – were sold at the same store that’s been criticized in the last year for selling artisanal cheese made by prisoners. If you don’t want to try to redefine your relationship together, if you instead simply want to live happily with your dogs, then you should tell your partner you want to break up. She’s also a collective member of Third Woman Press: Queer and Feminist of Color publishing. But we now depend 100% on reader support to keep going. What makes it possible for things like Lesser Evil chips to exist is an understanding of Buddhism that’s limited to physical goals like eliminating stress in your workday or pesticides in the food you eat. If you think he’d be interested in a relationship where he pursues sex with other people but you two don’t necessarily break up (and, of course, if you’d be interested in the same) you can broach that subject too. But I notice you don’t say anything about your feelings for him or about the 25 years you’ve spent together in your letter. You believe in God and Jesus, and you go to church every Sunday. Be that as it may, perhaps we can still ask if “white Buddhism” is cultural appropriation. She is finishing her Ph.D in Ethnic Studies at UC Berkeley where writes on race, gender and economics. Failing to provide either with a basic level of reverence is deeply disrespectful and honestly, downright racist. I don’t begrudge my stepsisters their relationship with her. For instance, Whole Foods used to sell these Lesser Evil chips. In this case, instead of zen, it’s enlightenment. And before you think incarcerated men are being given a shot at rehabilitation through this cheese making program, ThinkProgress and Vice report, “[M]any of the inmates participating in CCI’s prison labor programs earn 74 cents a day for hours of labor. A: Invite your friends to hang out with you—just you, by yourself, and make it clear in your invitation that you’re looking for one-on-one time, or at least time without your partner. Racial Justice Elotes Woodfire Grill was slated to open Thursday on West 7th Street, inside the keystone Keg & … Slate Plus members get extra questions, Prudie Uncensored with Nicole Cliffe, and full-length podcast episodes every week. Baby names and cultural appropriation: My husband is Black, and I’m white. I am in a committed relationship, but we are miles away from marriage and kids—but it is my name. A: If I’m understanding you correctly, you’re proposing to exercise your legal right to maintain physical custody of your dog while your husband is out of state. Oxford Dictionary defines cultural appropriation as “the unacknowledged or inappropriate adoption of the customs, practices, ideas, etc. I like this neighbor and he’s a great guy, but I can’t seem to enjoy alone time outside with my family without him coming over. But this is the exact kind of suffering Buddhism seeks to stop. But few of these things are actually touching upon zen Buddhist teachings. Buddhism is complex, comprised of countless teachings and challenging practices. It may help to remind yourself that you don’t have to “accept” your stepsister’s decision in the sense of liking it or feeling good about it. I have an older neighbor who is living, alone, five states away from his wife (odd, I know). You can think of it very simply this way: “Suffering exists; it has a cause; it has an end; and it has a cause to bring about its end.”. Others put the number at 60 cents. Buddha figurine and candles resting on a ledge. The primary issue here is not cultural appropriation, it’s racism.Imagine, if you will, a set of possible NFL team names and slogans: The Washington Darkies My Mom Wants to Build a Shrine for My High School Boyfriend. The NFL Washington Redskins name & mascot — Are they cultural appropriation?. Here’s my question: After he moves, should I continue to compromise and share custody while my lawyer makes my case to his lawyers? But whether you tell him you no longer want to be in this relationship or you just don’t want to have sex anymore, don’t let the fear of his reaction hold you back. Am I being an asshole? (Questions may be edited.). Something That May Shock and Discredit You. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. My Family Won’t Impose Boundaries on Our Creepy Neighbor. It is stupid. LGBTQIA, Used by hundreds of universities, non-profits, and businesses. As you walk into the entrance of your workplace one day, you see a statue of a decapitated Jesus head sitting on the floor decorating the hallway. The idea of “cultural appropriation” says pretty much the same thing. Folks like the, see it as a foundational “cultivate the conditions for peace, social justice, and environmental sustainability within our selves, our communities, and the world.”. Bodhi: Meaning, origin, and popularity of the boy's or girl's name Bodhi plus advice on Bodhi and 50000 other baby names from the bestselling nameberry experts. He tells me I need to not freak out and just accept this. Her academic and activist commitments are to laborers, refugee and queer communities. I think it could help, if the letter writer is willing, to set up a time once every month/week/fortnight/whatever to invite your neighbor over, and in setting up this arrangement make clear that that is the only time you are entertaining. When groups of immigrants from these countries came to America or Britain, they assimilated, and changed the spellings of their traditional names. ← 4 Reasons Why We’ve Got to Stop Using ‘Ethnic’ to Describe People of Color, The Feminist Guide to Flirting Respectfully with Latina Women →, If You’ve Never Lived In Poverty, Stop Telling Poor People What They Should Do, You’re Not ‘Oversensitive’ – Here’s How People Use Gaslighting to Dismiss Sexism, Still Think Trans Women Have Male Privilege? At least until you can fully appreciate their significance and/or have a Buddhist practice. It may very well be that you and your daughter encounter “weird looks” from other white people when you two are out together, but the best response to that is not to develop a policy of explaining her ethnicity to such people. Zen Buddhism is a sect of Mahayana Buddhism that emphasizes meditation and personal insight with a focus on benefitting others, impermanence, not-self, dis-ease. Here’s an edited transcript of this week’s chat. Antidepressants Have Made My Wife Too Cheery. We’ve ran through quite a few options and are experiencing name fatigue, so I’m hoping we can get some help! Discuss this column on our Facebook page! The others are surnames so seem a bit odd. Q. Just walking around a health foods store, I can find tons of things that will supposedly bring me “zen.”. Advice? Obviously it’s a painful situation, but I don’t see any other options besides either letting your ex have the dog (which it doesn’t seem like you want to do), sharing custody permanently (which neither of you seems interested in), or seeking custody yourself. Lots of best friends are affectionate, but if yours has suddenly started holding your hand on long walks together, cuddling on the couch, and suggesting the possibility of sex and romance, I think you can safely say the signs are there. When Victoria’s Secret … I don’t see anything terrible in that. You pray before bed. 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Nike caused so much anger when they ‘borrowed’ some Samoan tattoo designs for their Pro Tattoo Tech collection that it actually led to a petitioncalling on the company to stop sales. We’ve talked about this before, and my partner claims he isn’t as insecure as he was in the beginning and doesn’t have a problem with me hanging out with friends without him. Ditch ’em. Re: My neighbor thinks he’s family: Some people blithely ignore cues like the one you suggested. Q. Thank you! And you’re already on your way to understanding more – after reading this, you’ve got the most basic takeaway down. Danny is online weekly to chat live with readers. I’ve tried to make my case to him directly to no avail. He thinks he’ll get a job and move back to our state in that same time frame. Cultural appropriation, on the other hand, would look like buying “Navajo-inspired” designs, imitations of South Asian accessories, and decorations labeled “Japanese” from Urban Outfitters. If you’ve ever met a monastic, then you know they’re some of the most lighthearted and cheerful people around. Any thoughts?”. Using Buddhism this way is common within New Age spirituality. For many communities of color, the cultural appropriation of our spirituality means watching our long-held and sacred traditions be disrespected, corrupted and sold at chain stores. I am a cis woman divorcing my husband of four years (I initiated it). “Sorry, you can’t join us” is still polite. Q. Make your own chance to do things without him! If you have a daughter someday and you would like to name her Amelia, you can—and you don’t have to come up with nicknames or approximations either. You buy it because it looks cool, and the only people who benefit are you and the corporation that’s mass-producing these items for a profit. Help! The signs are clear, right? Because racial justice is an integral part of a Buddhism. In 1993, the international Lakota community, against “shamans and plastics” or “Exploiters of Lakota Spirituality.”, For instance, Whole Foods used to sell these, But the chips – which tout mindfulness and good choices – were sold at the same store that’s been criticized in the last year for selling, And before you think incarcerated men are being given a shot at rehabilitation through this cheese making program, ThinkProgress and Vice report, “[M]any of the inmates participating in CCI’s prison labor programs earn, that the labor program is designed to equip inmates with on the job training, skills development, and a sound work ethic. Oftentimes, the mere mention of the term triggers instant outrage and vitriol from both ends of the argument — some claiming its legitimacy and … A: I agree that, since the neighbor sounds like a generally pleasant person and the letter writer seems somewhat interested in being friendly, setting up occasional, specific get-togethers is a lovely idea, and that it should still be accompanied by firm signals when a spontaneous conversation is eating into family dinner time. But at the same time, we’re roommates and I’m afraid if I tell them my feelings, I’d lose my best friend. Baby names and cultural appropriation: My husband is Black, and I’m white. Can we still name her this? And if the alternative is building a beautiful backyard fire pit that you never use because you’re too afraid to be firm with your neighbor—well, the choice is clear. There seems to be an increasing understanding that white people wearing headdresses at Coachella is clearly cultural appropriation, but when it comes to folks putting on bindis, kimonos, or a hijab, we remain oblivious. I mean, who would buy “Our Lord and Savior Popcorn” at Trader Joe’s? Q. Cultural Appropriation news and opinion. She was killed in a robbery when I was 17. Before it ever opened to customers, a St. Paul restaurant specializing in Mexican street food has changed its name after activists protested, citing cultural appropriation. Can I feel OK not explaining that she’s mixed-race every time we tell someone her name and inevitably get weird looks from other white people? Participation and appropriation are totally different things. Cultural appropriation is real, and making "cases" for Anglicized "white" (Greek, Irish, British, Dutch, white Euro) names is ridiculous, seeing as those names are part of the cult of whiteness. But I can’t stand the idea of this child being Amelia—it makes me want to scream and cry. If strangers ask intrusive questions or indirectly communicate surprise upon meeting your daughter, they are being rude and entitled. I suppose my point is that I don’t want to be an asshole, and I feel like it may be problematic for me to have these displayed, but I also appreciate the symbolism behind them. You will receive a link to create a new password via email. A: I think you should listen to your husband and to the part of yourself that doesn’t want to choose your child’s name based on what strangers might think of her someday. It assumes cultures are 100 percent original. They too fear cultural appropriation, except that in this case it means the loss of the privileges that were long a benefit of whiteness, privileges which people of color appear to be taking. Q. Q. And joy is, of course, a Buddhist tenet. The company was accused of being in violation of the UN Declaration on th… I don’t know if you used to enjoy sex under a different set of conditions or whether you now consider that previous enjoyment unrecoverable or dependent on not yet having realized you don’t like sex at all; your partner may have questions for you there, and it may prove useful to you both to talk about that, even if “useful” in this case just looks like a reasonably amicable breakup. Imagine this: You’re a practicing Christian. You can cancel anytime. Whatever confusion may result is usually dependent on proximity and is fairly easily dispelled with time. Because cultural appropriation of Buddhism creates suffering for marginalized communities. It’s also true that while your relationship to your mother is distinctly your own, she was also a mother to your stepsisters, and their relationship to her belongs to them. Help! Zen Buddhism advocates for a level of spirituality that can’t be accessed through material items or simple words. If you ask that then you have to ask some other questions. I took the driving force of her question to be “How can I understand, support, and nurture my future Black and biracial child, and what are the ways in which my own assumptions and beliefs about whiteness might impede such support?” That’s a meaningful question, and one worth considering seriously and extensively, and I wish her and her family all the best. His only social life is through friends he met through me and only when I take the initiative to make plans, and friends always invite my partner when they have parties because it’s just assumed we will come together. I’m not going to knock mindfulness. Re: My neighbor thinks he’s family: I think the letter writer might need to be a bit firmer if the neighbor has a habit of sitting down with them for hours. New Age spirituality is often a potpourri of different belief systems sapped of historical and cultural significance with widespread beliefs ranging from occult teachings to UFO enthusiasts. I’m on board with this idea; I think it’s a fitting tribute. A: Chat with him for a few minutes—really, just a few minutes—and then say, “Thanks for stopping by! Buddhism seeks to address systems of oppression because they cause human suffering. This is perhaps the very meaning of racial entitlement. After all, if they knew more about Buddhism, they might be aware of the disturbing history of decapitated Buddha statues – which includes invaders and colonizers trying to destroy people’s connection to their faith. I used to enjoy sex, but now I view it as a painful chore. We’ve stopped using the fire pit/seating area outside because of fears we’ll have to entertain the neighbor for hours. raking a presumable zen garden in the lobby of a giant Hollywood film agency where big tobacco executives are colluding to sell cigarettes to the masses. I’ve been supporting him financially and emotionally for years with nothing in return and finally decided I’m done. And that means it’s rather jarring to see posts like the one below, which clearly indicate the popular use of prayer flags. Click to learn more, 4 Signs You’re Culturally Appropriating Buddhism – And Why It’s Important Not to, Buddhism is a religion practiced by nearly, Suffering exists; it has a cause; it has an end; and it has a cause to bring about its end.”, After all, if they knew more about Buddhism, they might be aware of the, But resistance to uprooting of spiritual work has been particularly acute and strong in Native communities. However, I have since come to realize this understanding of cultural appropriation is flawed. Whole Foods has been slammed hard by anti-incarceration activists for selling Haystack Mountain Goat Dairy products – a company partnered with Colorado Correctional Industries (CCI). The beer bills itself as “something consistently good natured,” complete with a laughing Buddha on the bottle itself. Take him at his word when he says he’s got a handle on his insecurities, and schedule a tête-à-tête with one of your friends right away. However, every time we’re outside trying to have a bonding experience, this lonely neighbor comes over and wants to talk about his day (remember, no fences, so he can see the fire from acres away). Because racial justice is an integral part of a Buddhism. We’ve been sharing custody since we separated with the understanding that this is temporary until we agree on who will get her. If you’ve ever met a monastic, then you know they’re some of the most lighthearted and. What cultural appropriation is The name is a bit of a mouthful, but cultural appropriation happens when a dominant culture takes things from another culture that is experiencing oppression. They came with tiny little rakes and a little box of sand. It’s an incredibly important part of Buddhism to be present and intentional with your thoughts and actions. Years later, I can’t get time with friends without him. Antifa Accuses Trump Supporters Of Cultural Appropriation. We’re going to get back to [dinner/our conversation/stargazing], so I can’t keep catching up, but have a great rest of the evening” could be met with “Oh, I’d love to join you for [dinner/stargazing/whatever]” as he sits himself down. For the price of a single lunch out, you can help save us. Thanks for signing up! Do you remember when “zen gardens” were cool? We must engage with Buddhism the same way we would a Judeo Christian religion like Catholicism or Christianity. Cultural appropriation is when a tradition, such as clothing or a hairstyle, is taken from a culture and used in a different way. For instance, Whole Foods used to sell these Lesser Evil chips. Re: Baby names and cultural appropriation: Why is a white lady asking a white guy if this is OK? and avoid shutting down. He only does this when he is in a high chair or car seat. By joining Slate Plus you support our work and get exclusive content. Not your name: My mother, “Amelia,” married a man with two daughters. It tells us that the items and beliefs we hold dear and sacred are meaningless nick knacks or empty sayings you can make into cat memes. And you'll never see this message again. Kim Tran is a Contributing Writer for Everyday Feminism. Telling your kids “We can’t sit in the backyard because I don’t know how to say no to a friendly neighbor” sends a really strange message about boundaries. Emerson, Jameson are OK, but James, etc, would be loads better. Buddhism is often used in this way to connote harmless – and indeed, ethical – fun. It’s great that my friends and he get along so well, but I am starting to feel like everyone is treating me like I am not my own person anymore. Zen has become a codeword for “unwind,” for “chill.” And that hasn’t gone away. But the extremely low wages make it nearly impossible to afford prison services and basic necessities.”, Which means that while eating better and being more physically healthy are admirable aims for the general wellness of people everywhere, they’re not necessarily Buddhist – because they emphasize. Every year, we reach over 6.5 million people around the world with our intersectional feminist articles and webinars. We know there are a lot of technical-sounding words here, so let’s break it down: There is worldwide reverence for the tradition and its beliefs, which include at the very most basic level: the truth of suffering, the truth of the cause of suffering, the truth of the end of suffering, and the truth of the path that leads to the end of suffering. Our country was devastated at unprecedented levels by chemical and physical warfare. My toddler likes to make himself throw up for fun: This is a bit gross so read at your own risk. Using words like zen to entice consumers with a sense of calm and happiness has become woefully commonplace. My boyfriend tells me that if we have a girl, we can call her Amy or Lia or switch up my mother’s middle and first name. Q. We're asking you to join our membership program so we can become fully financially sustainable (and you'll get cool perks too!) I don’t want people to see two “white people” together and assume that I just co-opted a name most often used by Black women because I thought it was cool or trendy. But resistance to uprooting of spiritual work has been particularly acute and strong in Native communities. My kid is 15 months old and has discovered he can make himself vomit by sticking his finger down his throat. This can be controversial when members of a dominant culture appropriate from disadvantaged minority cultures.. But I encourage all of us to – yes – be more mindful of how we can honor and respect Buddhism as a spiritual practice with meaning and value. All contents © 2021 The Slate Group LLC. Obviously the fact that you live together makes things a little more complicated. Zen Buddhism is a sect of Mahayana Buddhism that emphasizes meditation and personal insight with a focus on benefitting others, impermanence, not-self, dis-ease. You can’t control it, and it would be wrong to object or to ask her to reconsider, but you can feel as angry and frustrated and grief-stricken as you need to in private, and to work through those feelings as best you can on your own. But he can do it! But this beer and the lotion before it are prime examples of redefining Buddhism to erase its commitment to a greater social good and replace that aim with capitalist profit. Slate relies on advertising to support our journalism. If Everyday Feminism has been useful to you, please take one minute to keep us alive. My kids even asked me recently, “Are we ever going to sit out again before it gets too cold?” and I said “We would, but I don’t want to entertain the neighbors.” I don’t want to be rude—I just want to use my new backyard addition without neighbors joining in. Join Slate Plus to continue reading, and you’ll get unlimited access to all our work—and support Slate’s independent journalism. How do I get space? Especially in Berkeley, prayer flags are used like confetti, lanterns, or twinkle lights to decorate barbecues and dinner parties. Send me updates about Slate special offers. I’ll talk to you soon! A short Pinterest search yielded Tibetan prayer flags used for a “Nepal themed” room, a professional photo shoot, and – my favorite – a “boho offbeat wedding.”. I have essentially become our event planner. They’re downright a good time. If everyone reading this only gave $12, we could raise enough money for the entire year in just one day. Please enter your username or email address. A: I’m so sorry that this has been so painful for you, and I hope you can ease up on yourself in some ways. Cultural Appropriation Alert: Alec Baldwin's Wife Torched for Faking Spanish Accent and Heritage. You even help at church fundraisers. Lucky Buddha Enlightened Beer is another example of employing Buddhism to create catchphrases. Recently I’ve been doing a lot of therapy and soul-searching. Q. It is my mother. She feels like she understands cultural appropriation – hell, she even uses that exact phrase to describe what she’s doing – yet she remains hesitant to take them down because she likes them. But given the situation you’ve described, I think saying something like “I’m not sure if you were joking the other day when you talked about being friends with benefits. It reached the point where I started inviting him to everything to avoid his complaining about not being invited. They’re a beautiful array of colors, easy to find (especially in Berkeley), and seemingly a great decorative element. A: I can’t agree that two white people having a conversation about race and racism is inherently “problematic,” or that the letter writer should take my advice at the exclusion of her partner or any of the other Black people in her life. I recently renovated my backyard to include a sitting area with a fire pit. Yes, but more importantly, who cares? Cultural appropriation is the adoption of an element or elements of one culture or identity by members of another culture or identity. Even more recently, one of my favorite movies, Thank You for Smoking, portrayed a Japanese man raking a presumable zen garden in the lobby of a giant Hollywood film agency where big tobacco executives are colluding to sell cigarettes to the masses. Plenty of kids share a name with their cousin, especially if that name has family significance, and it doesn’t dilute the meaning or significance. You and your ex in fact seem to have already agreed to this arrangement. With you re some of the most peaceful symbol to choose when you ve... Relationship, but cut them off and draw them up short now view. Where I started inviting him to everything to avoid his complaining about not being invited just about who or! Mom Wants to Build a Shrine for my high School Boyfriend now those. 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